~Epiphany~ Levi x Reader Chapter 5

"Such encouraging talk from a new recruit like yourself," Auruo groaned. He stood up as well. "Can't let the young ones get ahead of us, can we now?" Erd and Gunther laughed in agreement.

Petra scoffed. "You aren't all that much older than her, so you don't have much room to talk."

"Get your things together and head down to the stables in ten minutes," Levi interrupted. He pinched the bridge of his nose, looking exasperated. He walked out of the room without another word. 


An ear-splitting cry of terror and dismay momentarily silenced the murmuring of the onlooking crowd of soldiers from all of the military branches. Hanji raced through the throngs of people, shoving people out of her way none too gently to reach the steaming corpses of her titan test subjects. She threw herself on the ground in front of them, crying like her own children had been killed.

"Considering that I helped capture the two of those titans, I'm upset that someone killed them, too," you said, "but doesn't she thinks she's overreacting a bit?"

"Those were valuable specimens," Eren responded, pulling his hood farther over his face in a nervous manner. "She was learning so much about the titans from them. I don't understand why someone would go through the trouble to kill them, because these test subjects were essentially harmless, especially at night."

"Doesn't matter," Levi broke in, glancing around. "There's nothing we can do now. The military police will take care of the rest." He spun on his heel and moved back through the crowd hurriedly. You followed him after a moment's hesitation, pausing to sympathize with the broken-hearted Hanji. Realizing that Eren wasn't alongside you, you glanced back to find Erwin talking to him, apparently asking him some intense questions. Levi had paused and was looking back over his shoulder at Eren and Erwin, too.

Jogging to catch up to Levi, you asked, "Do you have any idea what they're talking about?"

"Not a clue. But I'm not sure I really want to. The inner workings of his mind are complex, so I probably wouldn't understand his motives, even if I knew what he was asking," Levi responded. "I'd be in the dark either way." He looked from your worried features to Eren, then back to you. "But you and Eren are really close. I bet you don't have to wonder what he's thinking about," he said, matter-of-fact.

"Not surprising," you said, grinning slightly. "I've known him since I was little. His mother was my mother's childhood friend, before my mother went into the military and joined the Survey Corps."

Levi's expression lost the bored quality it had held all morning. "Your mother is in the Survey Corps? What's her name?"

"I highly doubt that you know her," you said flatly. "She blew her brains out over ten years ago because she was screwed up in the head. " 

His face twisted, his discomfort apparent. "Is that why you chose to join the Survey Corps?"

You shook your head. "To be honest, she was the one reason i had to NOT join the Scouting Legion. It took up so much of her time that I rarely got to see her. Her work stressed her out to the point that she killed herself. I joined because of my father. He took me in after she killed herself, and he was a wonderful man. He was dedicated to the Corps, but still made time for me. After he died from a stroke, I decided I would follow in his foot steps and join the Scouting Legion to honor his memory, as well as continue in his efforts to free humanity." You giggled. "But even before that, I would pretend I was big and strong like my brother, and I would pretend that I was out saving humanity just like he was. Even as a young child, I wanted to go outside the walls and explore the world, killing titans as I went."

"You're insane," he said, looking completely serious as he spoke. Then his features softened considerably. "But also endearing at the same time. Do you still feel the same way now?"

The question stumped you. "I-I don't know. After fighting in Trost, I really hate the titans. But after growing up within the walls, I wonder if humanity is even worth saving," you said quietly. "But one thing that hasn't changed is that I still want to go outside the walls one day. Though that dream is unrealistic now, considering Wall Maria is in titan territory. Even if I escape this wall, there's still one more caging me inside."

"If we manage to retake Wall Maria, and we're both alive, I'll personally escort you outside into the open world," he said suddenly. 

Taken by surprise, you simply gawked at him for a moment. "That's...a really kind offer, Levi."

He gave you a soft smile, a real, heart-warming smile. "We've all got our dreams. They give us something worth living for. being a soldier isn't the glorious career it's cracked up to be. But the outside world is beautiful, even if it's dangerous. But if you have something to look forward to, then-"

He stopped speaking suddenly and his expression solidified into his general, surly look. Looking over you shoulder, you say Eren running towards you and Levi, followed by the rest of Squad Levi.

"Sorry for the hold up, sir," Eren said hurriedly, oblivious to the fact you and Levi had been having a serious conversation. "The commander had some questions he wanted to ask."

"I noticed," Levi said curtly.

"Now since that didn't take a long time, we can probably go take that nap now," you suggested. "Unless there's some more things we've got to do."

"I second that," Erd said, yawning his agreement. "I stayed up late last night thinking I'd get to sleep in a little longer today."

"Not like we've got anything else better to do until the recruitment ceremony later this evening." Levi turned around abruptly and began walking through the crowd again. 

Being the first to catch up to him again, you asked, "We're going to the ceremony?"

"Yes. We're going to meet the commander there, then travel to the Karanese Outpost during the night," Levi replied. "I believe he wants us to see the new recruits, to get an understanding of how traumatized they are from the recent invasion."

"Is that so you'll know how to better train them when the time comes?" you wondered. "Though I'm betting it will be easier with soldiers that have experience fighting titans."

"Maybe. But not everyone escaped Trost untraumatized," he responded. "Some will have a greater fear of fighting and will be more stressed when the time for the expedition comes. Anxiety will run higher than ever before. I believe the commander is trying to send that message to the squad leaders as early as possible."

You frowned deeply. You never thought like that before. When you were trust into the fray immediately after Trost's gate was kicked in, you weren't scared, nor were you even remotely upset. You were elated. Finally, it was time for you to show your worth, and prove to the world you could change it, even if it didn't want to. After all the training you had received, you knew you were prepared to kill the titans. They didn't scare you. The upsetting part was watching the people who were afraid freeze up, forget their training, and die horribly. 

"What was your mother's hair color?" Levi asked, sudden and quiet.

"Say what?" you asked, completely caught off guard.

"I'm trying to see if I can remember her. It'll be easier to remember the soldiers who committed suicide and did not die while in the field, if i can remember what she looks like."

"You can't be serious," you said incredulously.

Levi gave you a slight smirk. "I'm older than I look."

"Tell me, how old ARE you?"

"That's a rude question," Levi responded airily, disinclined to answer. "Just answer me already."

"Her hair was really dark. Black, almost," you said slowly. "But, I can hardly remember now. I was so little when she died, and I didn't exactly see her often."

"I see. I didn't mean to upset you," he said in a low voice. But he didn't need to, as the Squad was several steps behind, out of earshot. He grimaced, looking annoyed.

"I'm not upset!" you said quickly. "I'm just startled, I guess, that I can't picture her face anymore. So don't be angry with me. You've got enough to worry about without me adding to it."

"Angry? With you? No," he responded, his look turning more sour. "I'm upset with me. I shouldn't have asked. But I was...curious about something."

"Well, it's not a big deal, so don't worry about it," you said, shrugging to show you weren't fazed. He was suddenly very emotional, and you didn't want to upset him further.

"Hey, um, corporal?" Erd called from behind. He and the rest of the squad stood in front of an alley. "Isn't our destination this way?"

Levi half-hissed and half-sighed, and he spun on his heel, retracing his steps and pulling you by the sleeve with him. "I'm sorry, Levi," you apologized, lowering your head. 

"Hmm. I wonder if this isn't an excuse for the two of you to take a 'nap' together," Erd called, a grin plastered to his face.

Levi's face eyes changed from calm skies to hurricane in a matter of seconds. He looked absolutely livid, and you felt the grip pulling on your sleeve tighten violently. You were glad it wasn't your arm he was holding, but were still upset about that comment. Levi and...you? Right. He treated you more like a child that couldn't take care of herself than his love interest. But you couldn't deny the fact that the thought of him, (let alone talking with and looking at him!), made your stomach flip from all the butterflies. It was possibly the weirdest you've ever felt about a person. Noticing his narrowed eyes, pursed lips, and generally pissed-off expression, you hunched your shoulders and looked away, feeling turned down. Did the mere mention of you and him together really upset him THAT much?

"Why the hell would you say something like that?" Auruo growled.

Erd's grin dissipated, replaced by a look of unease. "I was only making a joke, Corporal Levi. You and _____ get along unexpectedly well. I meant no disrespect, sir."

Petra smacked him upside the head. You were startled to discover that she not limited to reprimanding Auruo. "Where's your apology to _____? She looks mortified! You don't even take HER emotions into account as a teammate. What's wrong with you?"

"Erm, um, where will I be staying tonight?" Eren broke in, clearing his throat. "Since we're on the topic, I wanted to ask. Will I still be sleeping in the basement? I don't mean to complain, because I know why I had to, but since I can control myself fairly well, I'd rather stay in a normal room. The basement is always cold, creepy, and lonely."

"Aw, is our little titan-shifter afraid of dark places?" Auruo teased, obviously trying to lighten the tense air. He had the sense to keep his voice down. "Do you need someone to sleep next to you so you don't have nightmares?"

You cringed. "That's not funny," Eren said, glancing at you, his expression hardening. He knew how you hated not sleeping, and also how you hated feeling like a burden. "Nightmares can be a real problem."

Auruo frowned. "What, do you really have nightmares or something?"

"No," you interjected. Eren was trying to do you a favor, so you didn't want him to suffer for helping you, even if it meant telling the entire squad about your stupid sleeping problems. After the past nights, you were unable to tell yourself it wasn't a major problem anymore. It didn't mean you had to like doing this, however. "I'M the one who has nightmares," you said, unable to keep your disgust with yourself off of your face. "Let me tell you, it isn't fun to dream horrifying things every night, and neither is it restful. I haven't had many peaceful nights for, well, a very long time. Even after ten years, I still can't sleep right."

The hand holding your sleeve slipped away. Glancing around at the people surrounding you, you found their reactions to be completely different from what you expected: they weren't laughing. They weren't even making fun of you or even smiling. Their expressions were shocked. Even Levi looked perturbed, if somewhat less than the others. Eren was caught off guard, but that was more than likely because he didn't expect you to tell anyone. You hadn't told any of your fellow trainees, not even Mikasa and Armin. 

"Why didn't you tell us this before?" Petra asked gently, taking a step closer to you. "If you were having problems-"

"I wasn't," you interrupted. "At least, I hadn't been. I felt a lot better when sleeping in the barracks with a bunch of people, even though I had a hard time getting to sleep most nights. But after the first night at the old HQ, they...they came back. I don't exactly understand why I was fine one night, but the rest..." You grabbed your head in your hands, your fingertips digging into you head, as your now-clipped fingernails were too short to reach. After the second night, you bit your nails off, not having any other option. But they needed to go.

"You didn't think this was important enough to mention?" Levi asked, sounding VERY annoyed. You didn't have the courage to look him in the eyes. Especially since his eyes made you want to both cower in fear when he was angry and melt your soul when he smiled. Because when he smiled, his entire face lit up. Everything about him at the moment seemed so...beautiful. 

Hands grabbed your shoulders, jerking you around to face Levi, who, while still handsome, was NOT happy. "Look at me when I address you," he snapped. "Tell me, why is it you didn't tell ANY of us, apart from Eren, of course?" he spat, causing you to flinch from the acidity in his tone.

"Because it's embarrassing!" you said, more loudly than you meant, struggling to pull out of his iron grasp. Realizing that resistance was futile, you stopped squirming and glared at him angrily. "Some kind of 'Hero of Trost' I am. Heroes don't quake in fear of their dreams in the middle of the night. Why don't YOU tell me something? Why would I tell a group of humanity's finest soldiers that I'm a weak child who is afraid to sleep at night without someone next to me?"

Levi rolled his eyes, the rest of his expression unreadable. "The term 'hero' doesn't really mean anything to soldiers like us. It's a word for the general populace to use to give themselves something to rely on. It's selfish. Just like you trying to keep your inability to sleep a secret. What if Eren were to transform unexpectedly, and you were unable to react in time? You'd put us all in danger." 

He let you go, and you stumbled back. "Yeah, maybe I am selfish. But don't insult me or my skills by telling me I'd put you in danger. This is something I've grown accustomed to. I might not be in optimal condition, but I can still do a damn near perfect execution of my duties. I'm not in any way impaired in comparison to any other time in my life. I'll do my job well. Don't waste your time worrying about that."

"Not meaning to be disrespectful by interrupting, but we really do need to go now if we want to have any time to rest," Gunther said, stepping in front of you to face Levi, effectively breaking the heated debate. You heard Levi hiss, then saw him stalk around Gunther and push aside Erd as he angrily walked through the alley. Nobody said a word as the group of you followed him, afraid to further enrage him.

"Are you serious? I don't have to stay in the basement?" Eren asked incredulously. He stood in front of the  door to his room, looking startled.

Erd held up some shackles. "You won't be completely free. I don't like it, but this is what we're required to do. It's better than being alone in the basement. Plus, Gunther and i will be staying with you."

"I don't care," Eren said immediately, charging into the room. "I'm not stuck in a dank basement anymore, so I'll do whatever you need me to."

"Eren, I take offense to that," you snorted. leaning on the door frame. "I spent all of that time scrubbing down that shit hole so it would be livable for you." 

"Thank you. But it still sucked," Eren responded, grinning from the bed he had claimed.

Rolling your eyes, you followed Petra and Levi down the corridor of the large Trost outpost. He hadn't said a word the entire way here, upsetting you greatly. You didn't want him to hate you over your stupid little secret. Petra turned to head to her own room, down a secondary corridor. She paused, turning to face you, her features worried. 

"Are you sure you'll be fine on your own?" she asked. "Because I really don't mind you staying with me if you need to."

"I'll be okay," you lied, smiling for effect. "I tend to sleep well when I'm really tired, so don't worry about me." She hesitated, but unable to find a reason to doubt your smiling face, Petra disappeared down the corridor. Now, you were left alone with Levi, walking together silently. Eventually, he stopped in front of a door and pushed it open, stepping aside and gesturing you inside. 

It was a very nice room, complete with a full-sized bed and windows. Though it was plain, it felt very inviting. Too bad you weren't in the mood to sleep, nor were you in the condition to just yet. You jumped when the door slammed behind you and felt  someone breathing down your neck. "Shit! What the hell, Levi!" you exclaimed. 

He frowned at you with those sullen lips of his. "Keep it down, would you? This IS my room, after all. Do you want everyone knowing that you're in here?"

Your brows furrowed. "Why AM I in here? Are we going to have a serious talk about earlier-"

"No. We're going to sleep," Levi said, tossing his jacket on the chair sitting in front of a rather plain desk, littered with a few random papers. He slipped off his boots and set them neatly by the bed, then quickly removed his gear and then his harness, letting it fall to the floor. You quickly covered your eyes, not wanting to seem like a pervert for watching him undress, but at the same time REALLY wanting to drop your hand and watch the show.  You heard him click his tongue against his teeth. 

"I'm not stripping, you moron. I'm getting ready to go to sleep. Nothing else," he said, his voice layered with both annoyance and amusement. 

Looking at him from between your fingers and finding that he was still completely dressed, you dropped your hands from your face. "Why? We were just fighting, and you had looked furious at the mention of the two of us 'taking a nap together'." 

His lips twisted into a grimace. "I was more upset that Erd said that aloud in front of the rest of the squad than anything else," he said in a low voice. "But that's not the point here. I've already told you why I do all this for you. You need help. Much more than I first realized. Nevertheless, it's what you need, and it's what you shall receive. If you perform better in the field and feel better, that's what counts. But...why didn't you tell me that what happened to your mother gave you nightmares?" 

The momentary guilty expression on his face made you realize that he was mentally beating himself up for asking you about your mother earlier. "Stop it, man," you said forcefully, causing him to blink in surprise. "You didn't know, so don't even continue to blame yourself for something that you aren't responsible for. Like I said before, my problem is embarrassing. I should've outgrown this by now. This is my fault, not yours."

"There are some things that even time cannot heal," Levi said, voice riddled with melancholy, his face turned away. Then he sighed. "Just get in the damn bed."

While stripping yourself of your outer gear, you smirked. "Is that an order, sir?"

"Don't you even start," he said roughly, crossing his arms.

"...Alright, then," you said in defeat, climbing awkwardly into the bed and huddled close to the wall it was pressed against, the blankets hanging loosely around you. You refused to look at him as he, too, climbed into bed.

"I better not wake up to you groping to me," he warned, tossing and turning until he was apparently comfortable. 

You froze. "Um, that might be a problem, because I sometimes have the tendency to cuddle things while I sleep."

"Are you kidding me?"