~Epiphany~ Levi x Reader PREMISE!

That damned room was so fucking claustrophobic. Sighing as you twisted around in the hospital bed, you winced when a bolt of pain shot through your head.

"Oh, hell," you whispered, wincing in pain. You wondered if this is what your mother had felt that night, so many years ago. Or was it worse? The thought echoed in your mind as the memory flashed through your mind, incapable of forgetting it.


"Momma? Why are you sending me to bed so early?" five-year-old you had asked, wrapping your small hands in your mother's skirt.

She smiled at you fretfully. "I've got something I need to do before I go back to work tomorrow, dear," she had said, her smile looking strained.

"Aw, you have to go back to work?" you sighed, your small, childish face twisting into an adorable pout. "The survey corps never lets you have long breaks, do they mother?"

"Well, if I succeed at what I plan on doing, I'll be on a permanent break, honey," she said, picking you up and setting you on you bed, tucking you in between the sheets and a heavy quilt. "Just stay in bed till morning, okay? Promise me? No matter what you hear."

"Yes, mother," you sighed, having made this promise a thousand times before. The next morning, you would always wake up, and she would be heading off for work, and your grandparents would be arriving to pick you up and take you to their horse ranch for the remainder of the month. You loved your grandparents and you loved the horses, but you really wished you would be able to see your mother more than one or two days a month.

"You're such a good girl," she gushed, patting you on the head. "Goodnight, _____."

"Good night, mother," you yawned, suddenly feeling sleepy. Soon, you were lost in a happy, childish dream.


You awoke to the sound of violent sobbing. Sitting up in bed, you rubbed your eyes and wondered what was wrong with mother. While you had spent many nights in the same house as your mother, this was the first time you had woken up in the middle of the night because she was upset.

Despite your promise, you decided to go check on your mother. She had always helped console you, right? Maybe she needed the same kind of care and love showed to her. Tip-toeing out of bed, you sneaked out of your room and made your way to your mother's. Normally, she kept the door shut tight, forbidding you to enter because of a number of dangerous items inside, namely her 3DMG. But tonight, the door was half open.

Peeking inside, you saw an odd sight. Lit up by the light of the full moon, your mother sat on her bed holding a large object in her hands, and it was pointing right into her open mouth. Her sobs had grown muffled. You recognized the object as a gun, something your mother had told you was very dangerous and was not to be played with. Why was she pointing it at herself, then?

Her hand tightened around the trigger awkwardly, as it was facing the wrong way. Somehow, like some cosmic force guided her, your mother shifted her gaze towards you just as she completed the motion of squeezing the trigger, causing a large bang! as blood and matter splattered the room.


Jerking awake, your head throbbed as you panted rapidly, and you groaned. Why now? Why ever? Why did she do that? you wondered, silent tears dripping down your cheeks. To this day, eleven years later, you still didn't understand. While you had been told your mother was mentally unstable and wasn't in her tight mind, you still wondered what drove her to take her life. Were you that much of a nuisance to her? Or were you only part of a much large problem?

You sighed, remembering the next four years that flew by afterwards. That time was wonderful. You learned that you had a wonderful father and a doting brother, both part of the Survey Corps. Your brother, Erwin, wasn't really related to you, but that's what you called him, unsure of what else to label him as. Father had adopted him when he was twelve, after his own father, your father's close friend, had passed away. Now Erwin was the commander of the Survey Corps, with your father, while being disabled from the lack of his left arm and leg, serving as his adviser.

Remembering the first day you met them, you giggled and frowned at the same time. It was a bitter-sweet memory. Your father held your hand gingerly, still in disbelief, having not known he had a daughter. He apparently was an old lover of your mother's before he became crippled. Your mother had hidden you away from him so as to hide their affair. But he didn't hate you. In fact, he loved you, as you were the best thing he could remember his old love by. While you looked very much like him, you had your mother's eyes and her face shape and body-build.

That day, you saw someone with short, dark hair, very much like your mother's, wearing the insignia of the Survey corps on their back, just like mother, with very short stature, also alike to your mother. You tore away from your father and ran to this person, tugging at their cloak.

"Mamma?" you had asked, so hopeful and innocent of the workings of life. When the person looked down at you, you realized that you were talking to man, not a woman. Your face immediately fell. "Oh, I'm sorry," you had whispered. "You look a lot like my mother," you said socially. But after looking at him again, you realized he really looked nothing like mother. He had cold, stormy gray eyes in comparison to her warm, dove-gray color. His face was thin, round, mature, and scary, even though he looked no older than fifteen.

But his expression softened when he looked down at you, as if knowing exactly what you were talking about. The man took your small hand and his, leading you back to your father and patting you gently on the head. He knelled to your height and said, "I'm sorry." Then he walked away, and that was the last you saw of him.


You still spent a lot of time with your grandparents in the interior of wall Rose. They taught you how to ride those large, beautiful creatures called horses. You also learned how to shoot, despite what had happened with your mother. The live stock needed guarded, after all, and you proved to be a crack shot with a gun, not to mention your record reload times. You were also taught self-defense in the form of martial arts, learning from both your grandfather and your brother Erwin, when he had the time. More often than not, you were sent a private tutor instead when you stayed within Wall Sina with your father. But that was alright, you knew he was busy. All the little things he did while he was around made up for the time he couldn't spend with you.

But they very best part was that you made a wonderful friend with a boy that was the son of one of your mother's childhood friends, before your mother had decided to join the military. His name was Eren Jaeger. You also made friends with his shy counter part, Armin Arlert. Eren was something else. You hadn't spent much time with children your own age, but you knew he was an odd one, but that wasn't a bad thing. He was so fun, adventurous, and crazy.

He also introduced you to a shocking thing about the world: violence. Once, Armin was getting beat up in the streets by several other kids for saying that he wondered what it was like to go outside the walls. Luckily, you and Eren had been in the area, and you two were able to fight off the bullies and defend your friend. At least, YOU were able to fight them off. Eren attempted bravely, but he didn't have much skill, in contrast to your intensive background in the art of fighting. You never realized before that your training was meant for something as vulgar as this.

Some time along the way, a girl named Mikasa joined your little group. She was quiet and reserved, and she was apparently deeply traumatized. Knowing better than to ask why, you decided instead to befriend her and get to know her as the person she was then, not worrying about her past. It didn't take her long to warm up to you, considering she trusted Eren implicitly, and since Eren cared for you deeply, she decided you were a very good person, too.

But you didn't get to see them too often. You only stayed with them several times out of the whole year. That didn't harm your friendship at all, though. You still loved to see them, and they still hugged you and dragged you along with them everywhere they went. Over the years, it seemed Eren would try spending more and more time with you alone, though he would always say otherwise when you brought up the subject.

You remembered climbing up to the roof in the middle of the night with him, with nobody else around. The two of you would gaze up at the stars with each other, hand in hand. He knew you didn't sleep well even then. Even as time went on, you would still dream of your mother as she glanced at you while she shot the gun, and you would wake up, drenched in cold sweat, sometimes even screaming. When your nails were long enough, you would end up shredding the sheets or your own skin. But none of that seemed to happen when someone else would sleep next to you. You figured it was because of the night you endured alone in that house, with your mother's brains spilled on the carpet of her room, with nobody or nothing to turn to. You appreciated everything he did for you, no matter how small the favor was. But even those times quickly came to an end.


"You've got to leave so soon, _____?" nine-year-old Eren complained, frowning deeply. You pulled him close to you and wrapped him in a big hug.

"I'm sorry!" you apologized, letting go. "I wish I could stay longer! But apparently father has a big birthday surprise planned for me, and it's got to be at sunset, he says. But I'm happy I got to spend my birthday with you all!" You gave Mikasa a quick hug, not wanting her to feel awkward, but also not wanting her to feel left out. Next was Armin, who had recently taken to blushing furiously every time you came around and nearly fainting every time you hugged him. "You're so weird, Armin," you giggled.

"Oh! Right! Mikasa, Armin, and I picked this out for you," Eren said, pushing a small box into your hands. "Happy Birthday, _____! You ten years old now, aren't you?"

Nodding, your cheeks turned faintly red. "You didn't have to get me anything," you said, quietly, looking at the small wrapped package with love. "Just being with me for my birthday was enough..."

"Shut up and open it," he laughed.

Mikasa nodded. "I think you'll like it. It's got all of your favorite things in it."

Eren nudged Armin, who stepped forward hastily. "I'm the one who saw it and thought you would like it!" he said a little loudly.

Opening the present carefully, you discovered a silver necklace and heart-shaped pendant with a glittering pink stone in the center. You immediately took it out of the box and clasped it around your neck, letting hang above the long cord that held your ring given to you earlier that day by your brother.

"Thank you so much, all of you," you said, feeling very emotional and happy. You held out your arms, gesturing for them to all hug you at once.

Right around then was when your father came riding up in his open-top carriage. "_____, it's time to go!" he called out, smiling at you and your friends. "You don't want to keep their parents waiting, do you? Besides, I've got something special planned for you! I know you'll love it!"

Bidding good bye to your friends, you hopped into the carriage and pulled the reins out of your father's hand, insisting that you drive the carriage. You were, after all, the proclaimed horse-whisperer of the family. It never ceased to amaze anyone how well the full-sized horses responded to your every command, despite your small stature. You were even talented in training the creatures. Your future occupation was already decided.

Your father told you where to go, and the horses followed your direction, leading you up to the walls surrounding the district of Shinganshina itself. You stepped onto the lift with your father, and you were brought up to the top of the wall, where only military personnel were allowed. But considering the occasion, you father had convinced his long-time friend Dot Pixis to make an exemption today.

"Wow!" you said, running up to the edge of the wall, your hand held by a young woman with thick glasses and short, pale hair. "The sunset, it-it's breathtaking!" you exclaimed, momentarily at a loss for words at the beautiful sight before you. Hundreds of miles of land expanded before you, dotted with trees and all sorts of different objects you didn't quite know how to describe. They were titans, you knew, but at the moment, you were too joyous to really be disturbed by their marring presence. Never before in your life had you seen the sun set quite like that.

"Do you like it?" you father asked from behind you.

"I love it!" you breathed, taking in all of the colors exhibited by the setting sun. However, the movement of a couple of tiny, human shaped figures caught your eye. You pointed towards them, confusion apparent in your features. "Who are they?" you asked.

"Who is who?" your father asked, not knowing how to respond to your question. he moved beside you.

"Down there," you said, "are those people-"

You stopped speaking, as a large, hideous creature was suddenly standing directly in front of you, towering above the wall. "What the hell is that?" people yelled frantically, pointing at the 60 meters tall behemoth of a titan standing before the wall.

It seemed to survey the wall, then it heaved back a massive leg, and kicked the wall, knocking in the gate. The force of the explosion sent you falling on your behind. However, while others were running, screaming, or doing a combination of both, you sat there in bewilderment, wondering where it had come from. Was it one of those figures that was running around on the ground below that you had just seen moments before? You stood and walked towards it, determined to ask who it was and why it was destroying the walls and why it wanted to exterminate humanity. You were beyond anger, wishing to loudly express yourself in the way only a child could. However, before you had the chance to say anything, it seemed to lock eyes with you, stopping you dead in you tracks. The colossal creature's eyes were full of contrasting emotions, namely determination and regret. It released a massive burst of steam with enough force to send you flying off of the wall and plummeting to the ground.

An arm wrapped around you, and you were no longer falling. Instead, you were flying with another person, the woman from earlier who was holding your hand. The two of you landed, and she said, "Don't ask any questions! Just hop on my back! We need to leave Shinganshina!" the look on her face was one of pure terror, as she glanced back to see a number of titans approaching from the breached gate.

Heeding her words, you jumped on her back and wrapped your arms around her neck and your legs around her waist, careful not to strangle her and keep your legs away from the thing that shot her wires.

Quickly, the two of you shot off, and soon, she was climbing Wall Maria. You were lowered to the other side, where your father was already miraculously waiting. He had apparently only just arrived moments before you. He hugged you tightly as he helped you onto cart, jumping in with you with help from the woman, who seemed to be staying behind. the driver of the cart whipped the horses into action, causing you to cringe as you were violently launched forward and were riding speedily across the flat landscape. Your eyes glued to the rapidly shrinking wall, you witnessed a massive, seemingly armored titan burst right through the gate leading to the interior of Wall Rose. Its eyes found yours as you were rapidly pulled away from the wall. It had the same look as the colossal titan had in its eyes. Did all titans look like that?



You found yourself pinching your arm, breaking the spell your memories had cast on you. Of all days for the titans to break through the walls, huh? you thought bitterly, rolling onto your side. The pitch-black hospital room was not conducive to healthy, happy dreaming, you decided. But when you tried to stand up, your entire body exploded with pain, and you collapsed, breathing heavily.

God-damned titans, you thought bitterly. You had long awaited the reappearance of the Colossal titan, wishing to ask it why it was doing what it was doing. Considering that it seemed sentient, as it was intelligent enough to know that the gates were the weakest spots on the wall, you very much wished to learn if it had vocal capabilities. You very much wanted to know what the driving force behind its actions were. Most of all, you simply wanted to talk. Talking sorted out problems better than kicking in walls and killing hundreds of people. If the titan was somehow offended by humanity, you dearly wished to understand why.

But you had missed your chance, today. You had been within the walls at the time, engaged in a heated conversation with Reiner, a fellow cadet graduate. You had wanted to know where your friend Bertholdt was, because there was something you needed his superior height for. Reiner, however, kept evading the question and suggesting that he help you instead. While Reiner was tall as well, you had wanted to have a private conversation with Bert, to ask him about the military branch he was choosing, and if he chose differently from Annie, you wanted to encourage him to admit his feelings to her. You, being a wonderfully observant woman and friend, could see all the signs. But Reiner, that stubborn bull, refused to humor you.

He very much reminded you of another man in your life. That moment reminded you of a frustration you had felt in your past that had caused you to spiral very far out of control.


"You can't do this to me," an eleven-year-old you said venomously. "I refuse to be locked up in this house anymore because you don't trust me."

"It's not you that I don't trust," your brother sighed. "It's everyone else that worries me, especially when you're alone. After what happened-"

"I'll be fine," you spat, crossing your arms. "Like I was then. I'd like to see any traffickers get a hold of me without dying first."

"Do you really want to be responsible for something so vile as killing?" your brother asked, giving you a serious look. That's all he seemed to be able to do nowadays.

"Anything is better than being a prisoner," you said, your words echoing that of your friend Eren. With that, you fled out of the house past your brother, taking your father's old 3DMG with you.

Before he had a massive stroke and passed away, he had been teaching you to use the maneuver gear. While that was illegal, he had wanted to be the one to teach you how to use the gear. Your brother, however, was against the idea of you joining the military at all. he desperately wanted you to do as you had wanted a year and some months ago, to be the horse-breeder for the survey corps. However,your father considered your talent concerning your physical ability was too important a quality to waste, as did you.

But when he died, your hopes of joining the military died with him. Your brother refused to let you enlist. He also came by less often, leaving you alone in that house, with only your tutors to talk to. But Erwin realized that teaching you more only heightened your desire to join the military, and undoubtedly join the Scouting Legion to join your big brother. For that reason, the tutors stopped coming. You did not react well to being lonely. Sleep came rarely, and true rest even less so. Having a bored, curious mind, you were soon tired of playing house, and began sneaking out to explore within wall Sina.

At first, it seemed like a really fun idea, until you realized just how corrupt humanity was. The military police extorted people and sold their supplies on the black market. It was truly sickening. You were even the target of an attempted kidnapping, but considering you were in much better shape than they were, considering you had a few run ins with local gangs. You learned how to fight dirty quickly, forgetting any honor in fighting fair. It was survival or death out there.

After you ran away, you spent the next year living in the underground ghetto, avoiding any and all military forces, in fear that Erwin would find you and take you back to that horrible little house. But you didn't know what was worse anymore: living in squalor, or living like a prisoner. Those months were horrible, but at least you had the gear, so you had a serious advantage over all the poverty-stricken thugs. You were able to go freely as you wished, and you even managed to save some unfortunate souls along the way. While a vast number of people down in the ghetto were bad, many people were good too, only they were underprivileged and forgotten by the government. It made you sick.

The worst happened when you decided to return to the upper streets, finally willing to reconcile with your brother. You happened upon a couple of men from the military police, and they were raping a girl who was hardly older than you, laughing and drinking the entire time she screamed and cried for them to stop. Taking one of the men's guns, you shot and killed one of them, while bashing the other one across the head. The girl ran up to you and wrapped you in her arms, sobbing her undying gratitude to you while you sat, shocked at your actions. Your brother was right. Killing someone was something you couldn't take back, no matter how much the man deserved it.

The next thing you knew, you were arrested and standing trial for murder. The man you left alive, along with the rest of the enraged military police, fabricated an entire story framing you, but the girl he had been involved with raping stepped forward and corroborated your side of the story. She also happened to be a close, legitimate relative of the king. So, while you were convicted with murder, you were given the chance to redeem yourself by joining the military, with the sole condition that you didn't join the military police.

Despite having to wait an extra year, you were finally able to join the military. You found yourself a part of the 104th trainees division, along with your childhood friends Eren, Mikasa, and Armin.


Smiling to yourself, you remembered those good times. While you were still incapable of restful sleep, you utilized that time to hone your already superior skills. You made so many friends, and met so many wonderful people that you loved. Sasha Braus was a pain in the as, but she was so funny with her food obsession. Connie Springer was an idiot, but he and Sasha were the best two pranksters together. Reiner and Bertholdt were awesome, becoming two of your closest friends, despite Bert's shyness and Reiner's off-putting manly looks. Marco Bodt was a wonderful man, being the kindest person you ever met. And then there was Jean Kirchstein. That guy was a serious pain in the ass, but...he also had his good moments, too.

You found yourself flushing. He might have been a major asshole, but he could be incredibly kind when he wanted to be, like when he found you sulking by the lake at the outpost on your birthday. He didn't tell anyone where you were, and he stayed and talked to you instead. He didn't ask about why you were upset, you two just talked about everything and nothing at the same time. Jean also was really nice about teaching you how to be comfortable shooting again.

Remembering the first time he rode a horse, you laughed. He had no idea what the hell he was doing, and he got bucked off. Lucky for him, you were there to catch him while riding your own horse. Damn horse face couldn't ride a horse. Biggest damn irony ever. So you took it upon yourself to teach him. Then the jokes came. Save a cowboy, ride a horse, they said or in this case, a horse face, they meant.

Those were good times. So much crazy shit happened. Your arm was broken. You ended up having your shirt ripped open while using the maneuver gear, but Eren was kind enough to trade you for the rest of the day. Then you got stuck inside the boy's dorm for the night when you went to return the shirt the night after. You proposed to a random short, yet admittedly handsome stranger when he brought you a letter from your brother. Speaking of your brother, the two of you even reconciled with each other, and you saw him several times out of the year, despite being in training. You and Jean even kissed once...or twice. But you guys were only friends. That's where your relationship was most comfortable, not to mention that you didn't want to put up with the teasing if the two of you got together.

Then Trost happened. You moaned loudly, the pain in your head magnifying suddenly, then subsiding just as quickly. Not surprising. That's why you were here in the first place.

You started off as squad leader of one of the groups headed towards the front line. You were leading a bunch of nasty little shits. They ended up fleeing to a warehouse, where you followed them and were soon surrounded by titans. You came up with a plan that involved the  gun powder and alcohol stored there. You told your squad to get to the roof and escape while they had time left. You tossed a Molotov cocktail into the warehouse from outside and caused the building to explode. However, you knew your team mates had not left. But it was their fault, right? You told them, and they didn't listen.

In your anger, you flew about Trost, not caring how many titans you killed, just so long as they died. Then you came upon this aberrant. It was unlike anything you'd encountered so far. It killed other titans. And what's more, it saved your life. Twice. It caught you when shrapnel struck one of your gas tanks and sent you plummeting. It set you down near a dead body that just so happened to have intact gear. Then you took it upon yourself to save a group of people heading for the refueling station. You distracted the majority of the titans around them, and killed a few in the process, and led them to the aberrant titan. Once again, something had to go wrong. Your gear malfunctioned and a wire snapped, sending you veering off course, right into the aberrant's mouth. You weren't swallowed, however. You sat there in awe and disgust as it closed its mouth and held you still with its slimy tongue. Definitely the most disgusting thing that ever happened to you in your entire life. It finally opened its mouth when it was standing in front of the refueling station's bashed-open windows.

You jumped out and landed safely inside the building using your one remaining wire. You found the majority of your friends from the 104th there, including Jean, who wiped the titan saliva off of your face with someone's-you didn't ask who's-jacket, then promptly slapped you for pulling the dangerous stunt of playing titan bait. He hadn't seen you taking a ride inside the titan's mouth. Jean thought you had almost been eaten, but escaped.

When you tried to move, you had to yank your half-melted boots from the ground; the titan's body was so hot it literally turned the rubber into liquid. You then helped rid the refueling station of the 7 meter classes by shooting some eyes out, then killing the titan Connie failed to kill. Malfunctioning gear or no, you were still going to protect the people you had left.

Then came the biggest surprise: that aberrant titan was none other than Eren Jaeger. You weren't totally surprised; that's why it saved you so many times, despite him apparently not knowing it was you. Then the garrison came in, and Armin formulated a plan with them, proposing Eren plug up the hole in Trost's gate. Once again, you played titan bait for a while, but upon seeing seeing the signal flare claiming the mission was a failure, you searched out your friends Eren and Mikasa, hoping to somehow change the tide of the battle. Because if this didn't work, hundreds of soldiers had just died for nothing. The combined yelling from you and Armin seemed to motivate Eren's titan, and the wall's hole was successfully  closed. At that time, the Scouting Legion returned from their mission, just in time to help with the clean up.

This gave you an idea, which you immediately proposed to both Commander Pixis and your brother, Commander Erwin Smith. The garrison and the trainees would occupy the several largest buildings, while the Legion would be momentarily stationed at the wall. When titans would surround the buildings, a flare would be shot up to signal a go for the scouting legion, making the titan kills much easier, as the titans would have their backs turned to the legion. This plan would be repeated until all of the titans were eradicated.The both of them approved of the plan, and apparently a minimal number of soldiers were lost due to your plan. There were casualties, however, and you were one of them.

During one of the last rounds of your plan, and skulker titan jumped forward and grabbed someone you knew-you couldn't remember who-and you flew in to save them. You killed it, but not before it had its hand in motion, and you were knocked unexpectedly away from the dead titan, sending you flying into a building and crashing through the roof.

You had been found the next day, and now you were here, enjoying random fits of pain and reminiscing over memories. A least you got out of body detailing. You felt bad for those stuck with it, but you wouldn't want a duty like that. Never. Too much death occurred that day for a sane person to make it through without breaking down several times.

With a sigh, you watched as the door opened to your hospital room. Funny, it was the middle of the night. Maybe someone had heard your groaning, and was coming to give you some pain killers. The room was dark, so you couldn't see who it was. "It's alright, _____," the male said, holding a candle in one hand and a needle in the other. "This'll make your pain go away, but it might take a little time." You simply nodded, grinning, figuring this to be another dream. It was funny, because the man looked exactly like Eren's father, Grisha, who was actually a doctor. You closed your eyes, feeling a slight pinch, then falling into the first deep sleep you'd had in days.