~Epiphany~ Levi x Reader Chapter 6

You twisted around in bed, grunting in sleepy frustration when something prevented you from rolling over completely, leaving you feeling uncomfortable. Then you arm moved on its own, reaching out in an awkward position, irritating you further. You pried your heavy eyes open, feeling reluctant to wake up, for good sleep came seldom, and you were almost willing to leave yourself in that cramped position. Almost.

Blinking several times, you found yourself staring at a wall, coated in shades of orange from the slowly-setting sun, still a couple hours away from setting. Pretty, you thought to yourself, still out of it and yawning. A slight grunt from beneath you brought the memories back suddenly. Leaving the old HQ this morning, talking with Levi, coming to the Trost HQ, sharing a bed with Levi... You immediately rolled onto your back and off of him, trying not to disturb him anymore while moving as quickly as possible. Staring at his figure intently, he made another small noise of distaste and was quiet again. 

Eyes following the length of your arm, you finally realized why it had moved without your permission before. Levi had your hand in his grasp, and he must've pilled it up when you rolled over. You blushed furiously, even though there was nobody, including Levi, that could see you at the moment. Even if you had wanted to, moving your hand was impossible, both because he would wake up, and his grip was strong.

But you smiled a small smile at him, watching his back rise and fall sedately as he lie on his stomach, looking more peaceful than you had ever seen him. It was a good look on him. Though, quite frankly, any look looked good on Levi. But this was a lot better.  He was at such ease, his eyelashes fluttering slightly, his lips slightly parted, and his hair a silky, black mess. This was a sight you were sure nobody else had seen before: Levi not looking completely prim and proper. But with that mouth of his, he was definitely not a proper gentleman. 

Giggling quietly, you continued to gaze upon his sleeping form, unsure if you should wake him up. As it was nearing sun-down, the best course of action would be to wake up your superior and get a move on. Considering that chances like this was one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, you went against your better judgement and continued to let him sleep. You couldn't bring yourself to wake that serene face and ruin a perfectly wonderful dream by bringing him back here, to the all-too-real nightmare of reality. 

He shifted slightly, causing a lock of dark hair to fall in front of his closed eyes. Unable to help yourself, you pushed the hair back and ran your fingers through it. It was even softer than it looked. Your hand glided through his thick, silky hair. Even his undercut felt soft and fuzzy. 

Levi made a soft noise and arched his neck up, eliciting a jump from you. The sound stopped when you moved your away from his cool skin. Uncertainly, you ran your fingers through his hair again, and the noise came from him again. It grew deeper as your hand moved towards his neck. Asserting all of your will power, you kept yourself from laughing. The typical man didn't say no the neck massage, and Levi was no exception. It only went to prove that, with all of his individual quirks and supernatural talent, he was only human. You continued to stroke and pet his hair, completely entertained, as he continued to purr like a kitten.

A sudden, loud knock at the door made you curse quietly and jerk your hand away from Levi as his eyes opened suddenly. He jumped out of bed insanely fast and threw the blankets over you in effort to hide you, you assumed. Curling your limbs towards your chest, you made the effort to slow your breathing while you listened to Levi, who stalked to the door and forcefully tore it open. 

"What is it, Eren?" he drawled, his throat sounding dry. 

"Were you still sleeping, sir?" Eren asked uncertainly, a hint of trepidation in his voice. You could almost see the boy squirming under the intense glare his superior was likely giving him. 

"What does it look like?" Levi responded, sounding really annoyed. You made a mental note to never be the one to wake Levi up. "Just tell me what it is you needed. You've already woken me up."

"Right. I was looking for _____, because she's the last one Erd told me to wake up, and I don't know where her room is. Petra said you were the one who escorted her to her room."

You heard Levi curse under his breath in a very loud manner. "Is THAT it? She's four doors down on the left. But I don't know if you'll find her there. She said she wasn't in the mood for napping, and she wandered off afterwards, probably to explore the compound or take a walk or something."

"Okay sir, thanks for the tip," Eren said quickly, sounding hurried. You heard footsteps echo along the hallway and the sound of a door shutting, the tumbler in the lock falling into place with a crisp click!

"...You can come out now," Levi said quietly, his voice sounding near. Tossing off the covers, you gasped for fresh air. He stood next to the bed, looking contemplative.

"What are you thinking about?" you asked, propping yourself up on one elbow. 

"I'm debating on whether or not I should go back to sleep," Levi said seriously, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and combed it with his thin fingers. 

"We should probably get up. We have to leave soon, anyway, right?" you said, rubbing your eyes. "Do you want me to leave now? So nobody gets the wrong i-"

"I don't care what you do," Levi interrupted, sounding unconcerned. "If you want to stay, you can."

"O-okay," you said in a small voice, feeling intimidated by that sour-faced man.

Levi rubbed his hand along the back of his head to the base of his neck, where his hand lingered, an odd look forming on his face. Then he shook his head violently, mussing his hair again, and he glanced at you sullenly. "Did you sleep well?" he asked suddenly.

"Um, yeah," you answered, taken aback by his sudden change in tone. "No dreams whatsoever. It felt nice."

"Good." He sat there quietly, hands twisted on his lap, looking like he wanted to say something. But instead, he stood up and grabbed all of his gear and tossed it on the bed beside you. You couldn't help but stare at his chiseled chest beneath his half-unbuttoned shirt as he bent down, searching for his cravat, which was tucked in the pocket of his jacket.

His eyes flicked up to you, as if realizing you were staring, catching you red-handed. Guilty, you averted your gaze, but you knew you were too late. Biting your lip in anticipation, you waited for him to make some sort of smart comment about you being some kind of pervert. But it never came. His face was turned away from you as you looked at him questioningly. Eyes averted, he refused to make eye contact with you as he deftly buttoned up his shirt. That was when you noticed the slight flush on his cheeks. 

Jumping out of bed, you hurried to the other side of the room and grabbed your harness, suddenly awkward-feeling and unsettled by his reaction. Levi, self-conscious and embarrassed? Those words didn't fit together in the same sentence. You strapped your gear on in record time, pulled on your jacket and boots, and did your best to look professional when you turned to face Levi. Staring at your superior like that was uncalled for, even if he DID look perfect. 

But even after sleeping in his clothes, he still managed to look impeccable. You, on the other hand, had a wrinkled shirt beyond saving and a jacket with several creases because you had tossed it aside without folding it properly. After he finished tying his cravat around his neck, he looked you up and down and gave a derisive snort. "Tch. You don't even look like you tried to fix yourself up. You still look like you just crawled out of bed."

"Well, that's what I did, isn't it?"

"Don't get smart with me," he said, his face poised and unsurprised. He gestured to your head. "You might want to brush your hair. It's a mess."

"Not all of us can wake up with nearly perfect hair, sir," you pouted, attempting to run your hands through your hair.

Levi gave you sharp look and stalked over to you, sighing. He took your hands and pressed them against your sides, then placed his cool hands on the underside of your head, entwining his fingers with your hair. "Just start underneath and pull out slowly," he said, narrating his actions, his thin lips mere inches from yours. "Any time you run into a knot, just work it out slowly. And just call me by name, like you have been. I don't like the way you call me 'sir'."

"I call you 'sir' like I call everyone else who's my superior 'sir', Levi," you said in confusion.

He withdrew his hands. "Don't think of me as your superior, then. Think of me as Levi."

"Does this mean I can disobey your orders, then?" you asked, hiding a grin.

"No. Nice try, though."


"They all look terrified," you noted, glancing around the facade to observe your fellow trainees. 

You sat by the edge of the wall in a hidden inset on the stage facing the trainees, who were all awaiting the time where they would make one of the most important choices of their lives, milling about aimlessly until that time. Tension ran thick through the dark atmosphere, the faces of the trainees looking harsh, lined, and ghostly in the torch-lit night.

"Not everyone is as imperturbable as you, _____," Petra said, standing several steps away against the wall. "I remember when I chose to join the Survey Corps, and I was really scared. I can just imagine how terrified those recruits are, having already faced the titans in combat."

"Then they should know what they're up against," you responded. "They, of all people, should understand how dire the situation is."

"And that's why they're so scared," Erd responded, approaching you, but taking care to not walk into plain sight of the trainees. "All of them have seen the titans up close, and are even less likely to want to fight them again. Very few people have your kind of courage and enthusiasm when it comes to killing titans." 

"I don't know if I'd call it that," you said, frowning, turning your gaze away from the aimless people outside and looked towards your teammates. "I have a duty to humanity. If I can make a difference, I feel that I'm required to do whatever it is I can. I trained three years for the express purpose of fighting for humanity, so it's only proper that I use those skills."

Erd shrugged. "However you like to think of it, _____. Just know that the majority of people aren't even remotely thrilled about having to go up against titans. Hell, I've been on countless expeditions, and I'm still not completely comfortable going out into the unknown."

"But maybe that's how it should be," Gunther put in, walking up to the four of you. "A healthy bit of fear can be enough to keep one alive in a pinch, especially when something unexpected happens. Out in the titan's territory, nothing is as it seems. Especially for fresh trainees."

"That reminds me of something I've been wanting to ask. Hey, Eren," Erd called lowly, "How many of your fellow trainees seem like they'd want to join the Survey Corps?" 

Without giving Eren a chance to respond, Erd wandered towards Eren, with Petra and Gunther in tow. Auruo, surprisingly, was the only one not being nosy. He was sound asleep by the wall next to Eren, his face completely comical. Too busy grinning, you didn't realize the person standing next to you, quiet and contemplative.

"Not many are as dedicated as you," Levi responded suddenly. He hadn't spoken the entire way here, or even after Squad Levi had arrived, so his input was unexpected. He stood to your side, close and quiet, and he set a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "With that attitude of yours, you sound like a martyr. But at least you back up your words with your actions. You're in the minority, considering most people wouldn't put the lives of others ahead of themselves. But I still say that you're dauntless. Trost was the first time you've ever fought titans, and you've got a kill record to rival the veteran members of my squad."

You pulled your knees to your chest, and you felt flattered that the corporal thought so highly of you. Apart from what little he's heard, he doubtfully saw much of your skills. "That means a lot, coming from you, Levi," you said quietly. He squeezed your shoulder in response. You added, "But I'm not sure if I'm brave, or if I'm crazy. Erd and the others didn't even know that Eren and I are part of the same trainee regiment. Didn't anyone tell them that? I've always been a little bit ahead of everyone else, but now I'm starting to think that I'm just not normal." 

"Well, isn't it good for you that humanity doesn't need normal right now?" Levi said. "If you were, you'd be out there with the rest of them, dreading your fate, and desperately choosing to join the Garrison, just to escape death, if only for a short amount of time. You wouldn't be in the Survey Corps, ready to do your duty for humanity, ready to do what it takes to survive, ready to fight." A snort escaped his mouth. "You said it yourself just after Eren's trial: none of us in the Survey Corps are normal. But that's what gives us the ability to continue the fight against the titans. That's why we can eventually win, because of abnormal people like us."

Luckily for you, that was when Erwin stepped onto center stage and commanded the attention of the recruits as they hurriedly formed ranks, and you did not have to answer him. How could you respond to his complete faith in you? That acceptance? As Erwin began his speech to the cadets, you wondered why Levi placed his trust in you. You had done nothing at all to warrant it, and Levi did not look to be the easily trusting type. 

Gazing out at the trainees while contemplating the answer to that confounding question, you began to search for your comrades in the meanwhile. While you were unable to comprehend your current standings with your superior, you could at least assure yourself of your friends' safety. It suddenly occurred to you that you had seen none but Armin, Mikasa, and Eren after the reclamation of Trost, which had been nearly two weeks ago. You honestly had no idea who was alive and who...who was not. 

It was difficult to find all of your friends in the ranks. It was like major chunks of people you had grown to know and like over the years had suddenly washed away, leaving gaps in the crowd, making it impossible to gauge where all of your closest friends should be. The only ones you could see from your current position were Bertholdt and Reiner, and that was because they were much taller and bigger than everyone else present. But they were also older, too, so that was no big surprise. 

Once Erwin finished his short speech and dismissed the cadets who would not be joining the Survey Corps, swarms of people exited the clearing in between buildings, causing momentary confusion, then left a small handful of people, barely a tenth of who had originally gathered, standing shakily, as if debating whether or not they should still leave while they had the chance. Not to your surprise, you saw most of your friends still standing there. Mikasa and Armin were a given to be there; wherever Eren went, they followed. You had overheard Sasha and Connie declare their interest in the Survey Corps. Bert and Reiner had also decided to stay. No surprise, Annie wasn't anywhere to be seen. But you expected that. She was dead set on getting into the military police and away from anything troublesome. 

What was surprising was seeing Krista and Ymir staying, standing with strong salutes, though tears glistened in the torch-lit dusk sky on Krista's cheeks. Most unnerving of all was the sight of Jean Kirchstein, his face, normally adorned with either a smirk or a look of angry rage, when it came to Eren, of course, was now contorted with grief and with terror as he stood, visibly shaking, in front of the stage. While it was surprising that he was there, it was not the problem. Jean wasn't the type to give up on his dreams, no matter how selfish they were. The problem lie in the fact that Marco was not standing beside him. Or anywhere, for that matter, and Marco wouldn't readily abandon his closest friend, even if it cost him his dream. He was the one person you had considered most likely to join the Survey Corps after what had happened at Trost, considering his noble attitude and tendency to do the right thing. 

But he wasn't there. You felt your breath catch, the realization setting in. It couldn't be. Impossible. He was ranked in the top ten. He was a wonderful person. People like Marco just didn't die...did they? You craned your neck further out from the corner of the wall, wondering if you had missed him somehow. Maybe he had gotten injured and was in the hospital, like you had been. Yeah, that was a possibility. Lots of people were in the hospitals still. More than were healthy, but at least there was a chance. A very small, improbable chance. Hiccuping, you continued searching the twenty-one people you had counted still standing in front of the stage to no avail.

You were dragged away from the corner, but you didn't have the strength to even yelp in surprise. Levi crouched down in front of you, his eyes level with yours and his hands gripping your shoulders firmly. Your gaze drifted sideways. "If you had poked your head out any farther, you would have been noticed by someone. The objective here was to stay out of sight and listen." His lips curled into a frown as he looked at your shocked expression. Unable to respond, you simply stared at him, not comprehending his words. A close friend of yours, quite possibly the kindest person you had ever known, was dead. That's how this world worked: those who shouldn't die do so in the most horrifying ways. Even the best of people can't escape death. Who was next? Jean? Reiner? Mikasa? You? Who could tell?

The hands on you shoulders tightened almost painfully. "Look at me, _____." You felt yourself being shaken slightly. Looking up at him, the compassionate look in his eyes made you freeze, leaving you unable to look away. "I know it's hard," he said in a low voice, "Looking out there and not seeing some faces after a mission is complete, it can be heartbreaking. But, it is something you have to learn to expect and to deal with this. It is such a commonality that you can't let each and every death affect you as you discover it. There is a time and place for mourning. But this is not it. Now get up. We're going to be leaving as soon as Commander Erwin is finished giving his speech."

Easy for him to say. He was right, of course, but that didn't make dealing with a friend's death easier. Especially Marco. You glanced at Eren, who was involved in an engaging conversation with the rest of Squad Levi, all of whom were oblivious to your predicament. Did Eren realize there was someone missing in the crowd? No, probably not. He wasn't nearly so observant. But if you didn't get up and wipe the despair off of your face, he would notice something was up and want to know what the problem was. And you didn't have the heart to tell him the truth, at least not right then.

Levi, sensing you had come to an agreement within yourself, stood up and held a hand out to you. Upon taking it, you wondered if you should just throw yourself into his arms and not let him go. But you didn't; he was your superior, and that would be unprofessional. So you let him pull you up to your feet and resisted the urge to grab onto him, though what you needed most at this moment was reassurance from someone you knew could save you. 


"Are we almost there?" you asked tiredly, breaking the heavy silence while raising the lantern as high above your head as you dared while riding on horseback. You may have been a great rider, but with the level of exhaustion you were feeling after several hours of slow, uneventful journeying, you weren't at your steadiest. 

A thin hand plucked the lantern from your grasp. "Don't complain," Levi drawled, "We're near Karanes, judging from how sparse the trees have become, which means we're nearly there as well. But I still don't trust you to go that distance without dropping the lantern on your head."

Snorts erupted from the previously quiet squad members, who were too exhausted to converse, but were awake enough to listen. You pursed your lips. "I wouldn't have dropped it on my head," you muttered.

"Oh? Is that so? Then why was it bobbing above your head, looking ready to slip out of your hand?" Levi retorted, staring at you intensely. "It was easy enough for me to take it from you." He raised it over his head, barely holding it higher than you had.

"Enough," Erwin spoke, interrupting. "It's a little late to be bickering over a lantern. We could all use some well deserved rest, but we still have several minutes of riding left before that." With the faint light of the lantern in his own hard flickering gracefully across his sharp features, he shot you a knowing look. "Let's try to keep the complaints to a minimum until then."

With a huff, you hunched over in your saddle, unwilling to put up a fight. Not like you could do much without letting everyone know there was a connection between Erwin and you. And Levi was difficult to put up with as it was. You frowned. Did he really think you incapable of even holding a lantern?

It wasn't long before the lights from scones mounted on the walls of the stables illuminated the small group's destination. As if sensing the end to a long, tiring journey, the steeds made a beeline to that light with little direction from their riders. Even Mahira, with her training and endurance, was feeling tired. She made the effort to display her dissatisfaction by neighing loudly before speeding up. With a whistle from Erwin, the iron gates housing the entrance to the HQ were drawn open, allowing the members of the small group to gallop inside and head towards the stables. Everyone hurried towards an empty stall and quickly unburdened their horses; the prospect of a soft bed in the imminent future spurred you all into a moving a little faster in hopes of reaching that warm room just a little sooner. 

Upon entering the courtyard, the small group separated. Erwin and the two soldiers accompanying him headed towards the main entrance, while Levi and his squad, along with Eren, were headed towards a trap door that probably led to a cellar. Realizing that you were standing alone, you began to follow after Levi. 

Levi dragged open the the heavy, wooden doors, and he motioned to Erd, who descended into the darkness first. Afterwards followed Gunther, then Eren, then Auruo and Petra in the rear. You moved to follow, but Levi stuck out his arm and stopped you. "My squad and I can handle the preparations for Eren." He leaned closer to you, and whispered, in a tense, annoyed tone, "The commander wanted to speak to you in private after we split up. I don't know what it's about." He paused, looking as if he wanted to add something, but then his frown grew deeper. "Just go after him, already." He hurried down the stairs and slammed the trap doors closed, leaving you alone in the courtyard, dimly lit by torchlight.
 
You started walking towards the main arch, unable to comprehend Levi. But that wasn't anything new. The Corporal was something else. Never before had you met such a person. A hand emerged from the shadows and grasped your hand momentarily, causing you to jump slightly.

"It's just me," Erwin said in a low voice.

The two of you fell into step with one another as you let him lead the way to wherever it was you were headed. After a few moment of silence, you spoke up. "What was it you wanted to talk about?"